Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
