Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
