I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
