I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
