you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
