Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just cropdusted the office
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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