Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
