Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
