It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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