All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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