I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
