I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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