So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
