My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
