Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize