i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
