I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I touched a dick in church today
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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