Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
