now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i love accidental penises.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize