you win again, gameday.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
