Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize