Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
