No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
