Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
