If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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