I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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