He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
