I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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