I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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