I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize