just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize