I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
