the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
