I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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