Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
