My girlfriend figured out who you are.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize