I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Bring me that man meat
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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