oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
