it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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