Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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