party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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