I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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