She is in my trunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize