Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
