One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
