Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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