Im at strip club and am horny
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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