so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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