I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
