I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize