I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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