I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize