Your tits are I can't wait for
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
