Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
