Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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