why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
