I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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