I think I won the penis lottery.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
