Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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