shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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