piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
