"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
