Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
