she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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